Disconnecting

Isla Mujeres
Tiny island of the Yucatan Peninsula - 8 miles from Cancun, Mexico or a half hour by ferry.
Mayan Ruins.
Oceans so blue they make the sky look pale.
Food & bars downtown.
Waterpark.
Know Spanish.
3 Square Miles
Pop: 14,500
http://www.carribeanrealtytravel.com/
- Casa Isleno II Apts. (downtown)
- Casa Suaste (Colonia)
- Casa Zorro Studios (Colonia Waterfront)
- Cielito Lindo Apts. (Downtown)
- Color de Verano Village Apt. (downtown)



Koh Samui
One hour from Bangkok.
Seems like time & crowds have left alone.
Mountainous interior remains largely jungle.
Coast is filled with fishing villages & Buddhist temples
Motorbike & boat are main transportation
High literacy rate & often speak English
95 Square Miles
Pop: 40,000
http://www.samuipropertysolutions.com/


Exuma
Bahamian islands
61 Square Miles
Pop: 3,570; 5,000 Winter
http://www.hgchristie.com/


***Hvar***
Old, stone homes, vineyards & fields of lavender
One of Europe's best climates.
Long history of art and culture
Beyond the town are mountains scented with lavender and rosemary
Fairly homogenous population
Pop: 11,500; 55,000 Summer
http://www.croatianhouse.com/


Vanua Levu
Remains pleasantly undiscovered and thoroughly unpretentious
Mountainous island smothered in jungle.
Much of the island is accessible only by foot or boat
About evenly split between Fijians & Indians
2,140 Square Miles
Pop: 130,000
http://www.feejee.com/


Holbox
Completely undeveloped & boasts some of the most scenic & isolated beaches in the Yucatan Peninsula.
Streets are sand-packed & the beach is lined with palm-thatched huts
There are no ATM's and absolutely no cell service


Molokai
Hawaiian island
Tiny coves & beaches are so private you are often the only person there.


British Virgin Islands


Antigua
Smaller sister island Barbuda has more secluded beaches & have remained largely untouched



It seems like everyday I'm increasingly losing myself in my thoughts. I don't hear ¾ of the things that emerge from anyone's mouth because I'm off wandering around somewhere in my head. Everything just seems to elapse in a blur, almost lifeless…definitely pointless. God, I sound suicidal! Hah! I promise that's certainly not the case! I just long to escape this life, and go somewhere else ya know. I don't have many conversations with Landin anymore, just don't really have anything to talk about, no excitement… at all - all the exciting stuff is in my head and I can't share these things with him. Is this what marriages are like? Ugh! All I can think about is being somewhere else. All I can do is scrutinize every tiny annoying, unflattering detail about Landin (a defense mechanism to protect myself of course) and my job and this city. All the demands, and obligations that consume every moment of my life. I have no more ME time. Hell, I'm pretty sure I've forgotten who I am essentially. I've just about entirely lost myself in this haze that is my life now. The little piece that is sustaining the real things I want, my true happiness, my true desires, is all I have left. And it feels like it's burrowing deeper - into my soul - like it's striving to pull me up before I'm completely submerged in this abyss I don't want to be in - this life here. I feel like my relationship is beginning to falter as well… I'm just disconnected now. I'm sure he's benefiting from it, probably enjoying it actually - I don't talk much, don't have anything to fight or bicker about, much less care to fight really. In fact, I'm not really concerned much at all about anything. It's quite like an out of body experience - like my body is physically present, but I'm in essence not. I wonder if he's detected the change at all or if he assumes we've just finally reached some sort of milestone in our relationship whereby things are calming down, relaxing. Haha, if only that were the case. It's really more like my head is wandering somewhere perfectly out of this world, and my heart beats relentlessly more for a different desire other than his love and companionship. I feel awful and guilty like I'm doing something wrong here, or being deceitful to him in some way. I suppose it is somewhat lying, well more so hiding something. He is oblivious to what's been ravaging my thoughts lately - I refuse to discuss any of this with him. Period. He won't have it, I know he won't. I've become aware of myself in the car every morning and evening on the ways to and from work just daydreaming, totally and completely disconnected. Or I'm staring blankly out the window gazing around, dissecting every tiny detail that I loathe about this city. And yet again, I can't help but wonder if he notices whenever he looks at me during these mind vacations, that I appear empty - that the "twinkle" has vanished, the color, the "being in love" smiles and flutters, all that good stuff that we used to share. Every time I get on the internet now I'm looking at all these lovely islands, and their price ranges for apartments. And London - London is quite alluring as well. Then I get excited and imagine myself as a bartender at one of the beach bars, a regular at the local café, a friend of the locals, with a tiny little apartment furnished in trinkets and furniture all purchased from a local store - probably handcrafted, with my bike or scooter. It all seems so enlightening, so happy - so where I want to be. I have a few months to figure all this out, my lease doesn't end until like May or June I believe. Then it's the big decision - will I move back in with Landin and accept my life as it is now, and forever wonder what could have been - or will I make the jump and decide to move in with the mother for a year and start saving my money? Only time will tell - but one thing I do know is I have A LOT to figure out in the coming months.