Epiphany

So much to write about today. I've decided where I want to go, if I'm going. Koh Samui Island. Wow, it's truly unbelievably beautiful there, like something from a movie. And the cost of living is completely affordable! Oh my goodness, I've been looking at apt. rentals and bungalow rentals. They range to as little as $429/mo. to $1,001.89/mo. Unbelievable! I can't even find apts. in Dallas for that damn cheap! What the hell am I doing here?! Wow, seriously. I could live on an island in a bungalow for $472 a month, and average $10 a day living expenses for food and whatnot. I wouldn't need a vehicle, so no insurance either. Seriously? Cheaper living in such an AMAMZINGLY beautiful place! I'm in shock right now. This does not help me talk myself into staying here.

So, I've found about 30 properties on the island that are within my price range, for when I first move there anyways. Oh, these beaches, they're incredible. The water is so blue and the sand looks so soft and white… everything looks so clean and fresh. There are Buddhist temples located everywhere, bungalow bars on the beaches. So beautiful. I HAVE to go now. I really do. I can feel it in my bones, shaking the core of my existence. The more I research, and the more decisions I make and the more details I discover, the more I feel the urge, the need, to go. I was thinking maybe visiting London for a month or so beforehand since I'll have some extra cash that first year. I've always wanted to go there, go to one of their festivals, peruse the streets and admire all the incredible architecture, experience the night life, etc. they have some relatively cheap flats there that I could stay in even 2 or 3 months if I wanted and still be fine. Then I'd depart to Koh Samui Island, and move into my little bungalow, enjoy the scenery, meet the people, explore the temples and forests and lagoons, eat authentic thai food, swim in the bright blue ocean waters, tan on the white sandy beaches. Then I'd eventually look for a job… I could probably get into real estate, especially construction, pretty easily. This place is slowly, but surely, turning into a hot spot for tourists so there's been a bit of construction going on - adding roads and hotels and restaurants and other miscellaneous tourist attractions. It would be an excellent place to start a business. Or even just get a job as a bartender at one of the pubs or beach bars for a bit, maybe wait tables for a while, make jewelry and sell it at the market, work at one of the hospitals… there's so many opportunities I could take advantage of when I felt the time to employ myself. Even start my own business - like a daycare for vacationers, or a spa facility complete with mani/pedi's. So many options there. SO MANY. My heart is racing at the thought of how perfect all this could be, how real it could become if I follow my heart. Speaking of, I'm reading "The Last Lecture" by Professor Randy Pausch. It's a beautiful, inspiring life story. It really made me think about what's important TO ME, what MY dreams are and that I should never be afraid to fulfill them, because time is short - and a lot of times it's shorter than we even think. There are many quotes in there I want to add in here. Anyways, I'm going to go have a smoke and enjoy the 15 minutes of sunshine I get a day and be back with some more thoughts.

Some good stuff from the book thus far:

"It is what it is. We can't change it. We just have to decide how we will respond. We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." (referring to his cancer diagnosis)

In the words of his father, "If you have a question, then find the answer." Randy: "The instinct in our house was never to sit around like slobs and wonder. We knew a better way: Open the encyclopedia. Open the Dictionary. Open your mind."

Father, "Never make a decision until you have to."; On playing fair, "Just because you're in the drivers seat, doesn't mean you have to run people over"

"Anybody out there who is a parent, if your kids want to paint their bedrooms, as a favor to me, let them do it. It'll be OK. Don't worry about the resale value on the house."

"Never underestimate the importance of having fun. I'm dying and I'm having fun. And I'm going to keep having fun every day, because there's no other way to play it."

"We don't beat the Reaper by living longer. We beat the Reaper by living well."

"It's not about how to achieve your dreams. It's about leading your life. If you lead your life in a right way, karma will take care of itself. And dreams will come to you."

"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, tell the truth. If I got three more words, I'd add, all the time."

"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out, the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!" (My favorite)

"Be good at something. It makes you valuable. Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome."

"Better to fail spectacularly than to do something mediocre." ('nother fav)

"Experience is what you get, when you didn't get what you wanted."

"Be prepared. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity."

"Find the best in everybody. Wait long enough, and people will surprise and impress you. It might even take years, but people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting."

"Apologize when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself."

"Don't complain. Just work harder. That's a picture of Jackie Robinson. It was in his contract not to complain, even when the fans spit on it."

"Get a feedback loop and listen to it. Your feedback loop can be this dorky spreadsheet thing I did, or it can be one great man who tells you what you need to hear. The hard part is listening to it."

"When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care."

Assistant Coach, "When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."

"If you're going to do anything that pioneering you will get those arrows in the back, and you just have to put up with it."

"Fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals. You've got to get the fundamentals down because otherwise the fancy stuff isn't going to work."


Many of the things he says remind me of how people should live their lives. I often wondered if I was thinking about all this travel stuff backwards… you know, FIRST you get married have babies, raise the babies, etc. etc. and then you travel. That's how Landin see's it also. Not I. I think you should get the fun stuff over with first, because you never ever know how long you're going to make it on this planet. When your card is dealt, it's dealt and you can do nothing about it. Why take the chance of not experiencing something that means SO much to me? Why give up my dreams, or him give up his, just to satisfy one another? If it was meant to be, we would be on the same wavelength but we're not and that, more often than not, means you aren't meant to be with that person for the rest of your life. People who are going to be happy together for the rest of their lives in everything they do have to want, relatively, the same things. Landin and I are a perfect example: I want to travel, to see the world, to live a simple life on an island somewhere - and if I have kids and get married great, then that's what was supposed to happen, but at least I did what I needed to do to make myself happy first because if I am not happy in my life then no one around me will be happy either. It's an unfair situation to put myself and my loved ones in! Now, look at his situation. He wants the white picket fence, to be the provider, the husband, the kids, the handy man. He wants the whole deal. And he has no desire to travel, not like I do anyways. And, if he does, he wants to wait until he's stable financially, the kids are gone and maybe even be retired, before he'll run off to trot around the globe. I most certainly cannot wait that long. First of all, who the hell knows what's going to happen to this world in the next 25 years. I'm sure all the lovely islands and beautiful forests will be demolished. Nor do I even know for a fact that my card won't get dealt sometime in those 25 years. SO much could happen. And I'd be older and less mobile, less energetic, more weak. So, now you see - neither one of us will be happy if we choose to follow the others dreams instead of our own personal desires for living our life. One or the other would be bitter for the rest of our living days together. Why are we willing to sacrifice that? We truly sacrifice our dreams and aspirations to become something we never wanted to be, or do something we never wanted to do, most of the time. I wish I could just go around the world (hahah, as if I haven't made that quite clear) and ask everyone if they were truly happy where they are in their life. Are you happy with your career choice? Was it what you really wanted to do? Why didn't you try to do what you dreamed about doing, what stopped you? And most of those responses would be along the lines of "well, I just sort of fell into it and it stuck", "I had kids, "I got married". I know this, because I use the first one all the time. Why do we insist on being miserable for the rest of our lives? It doesn't have to be that way. In fact, it shouldn't be this way. The world is our playground, so let's play! I know most people don't necessarily regret way their lives turned out, but most would say they'd do it differently if they could do it all over again. I know I would, if I decided not to go do this. I know for a fact that I would wish upon a star that I would've gone and done this.