Silence Isn't Always Gold

I never really have anything to talk about anymore, unless it's involving work or someone else's life. How boring is that! I'm seriously getting bored with my life, like majorly bored. It's getting to the point where it's unbearable. Silence. This isn't a good silence though. It's so dull and lifeless. I need to do something badly, like take guitar lessons or yoga or start going to the gym… SOMETHING to break the silence. I wish I wasn't so anxious all the time, that I could just be content with everything and be happy about it instead of stirring around in these never-ending thoughts of possibilities in my head, constantly wondering and plotting ways to get out of this life, and move onto something more magical and enjoyable. I just can't help but wonder what else is out there, what it would be like to live in another world, in a different life, have a different lifestyle. You also need money for that, and that's something I'm definitely lacking in. Now, if I moved in with my mom for a year that would be a different story. But it's just that I haven't lived at home since I was like 17! It would almost seem like I'm taking a step backwards instead of forwards, but lots of people I know still live at home… so it's not like anyone would give me shit about it. I feel unhappy sometimes, with my life. I have no reason to be.. it's not like I'm necessarily deprived of much. I mean, I make a decent living and support myself just fine, I have - well, had - a nice car, a nice apartment, an awesome boyfriend, the bestest friends in this entire world, 3 beautiful dogs whom I totally and completely adore with every bone in my body, an incredibly amazing family. Hah, if you were on the outside looking in you'd think I was crazy saying I'm unhappy with life! I'm a fool, I know. My head tells me to stay, stick it out, wait for the rain to pass and there will be sunshine at the end of the road.. but my heart is in a completely different place, wanting to dance in the rain instead of waiting for it to pass. Who knows, I may not even like it as much as I think I will… and I can come back after a year or whatever. But I'll never know how I feel about it if I never try and that eats away at me daily. Landin would never understand, or accept it. I think he would hate me forever for choosing this over a life with him.......